Thursday, 09 February 2012

Counter-intuitive - but it Seems to Work!

by Dov, Postal (See all authors)

Something I've noticed lately of myself, maybe you're the same...

When my mind is trying to convince me to act out, white will seem like black, up will seem like down, etc. I have found that I am powerless against this addiction. It doesn't matter how strong any kabbalah I make is. It doesn't matter how great the punishment will be. All will be easily forgotten and overcome by an obsessive addict's mind. But what can I do? I'm an addict.

Instead of fighting, I try let go of wanting to act out and give it over to Hashem. I try to let Hashem do whatever He wants to do with the lust, because I don't want it anymore. I try to turn over my will and my life to G-d. And if I do this adequately and sufficiently, that strong desire to act out seems to go away (if even for the moment).

I know it sounds completely counter-intuitive and crazy... but it just seems to work!

Dov, who is sober in SA for almost 20 years, responds to "Postal" above:

What Postal wrote is just right for me, too. When I fell lust I need to open my mouth and share with the Ribono shel Olam that:

1) I am powerless to win against lust,

2) that I really want Hashem to help me to be dependent on Him completely, and to really trust that He'll take good care of me and give me everything I need, and

3) that I need his help, help, help to make it through the day. I am ready to share my life with Him and with people other than myself.

I need to also open up to other (safe!) people and share on a daily basis what's going on with me. Thank G-d I have a program (SA) and go to meetings weekly, and I have many friends to talk to freely about this.

I Love you heligeh yidden!
- Dov